— Che Guevara
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moving on.
trying to regain the past is just miserable.
trying to relive moments which you know will never exist again, is miserable.
growing up when your future seems miserable,sounds kind of lame.
i have some good friends. some friends who just come around when shows needed. some friends who have gone because I’ve traveled and lost touch.
i guess looking through yearbooks yesterday, i just gave up on living in the past. its almost 2010. almost 6 years since i went into Centralia High School. i guess my focus now is finding a job,create a more solid relationship with god,maybe keeping my legit friends around,and keep doing shows. i know i don’t want to do shows all my life, but at the same time, why cant i ?
“The fact that we’re always touring, moving from place to place and encountering different culture clashes ….. it’s like there’s never any real beginning or an end.” - Omar Rodriguez Lopez
i guess i just move on from here.
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coexisting.
“I will always stand up.I will stand for truth.I will fight for You.I will always stand up.
I will stand for truth.I refuse.” - ADVENT
In today’s society i’ve seen the uprising of atheist. which i don’t mind. my older brother is a atheist and a good one. he is smart and because of him ive read a lot of atheist literature. to reason i’m christian is because i wake up every morning feeling that i’m here because of him. that is all. my faith is with him. i’m one to strive to be closer to him. not to be close to perfection. i think the downfall of Christianity currently for me was when i was in youth group and in high school. kids tend to be very judgment and these kids were striving to be perfect.how will you grow if you never fall.how will you know him if you never actually had a moment when you needed more than ever.
I’ve had many days where i didn’t want to wake up. where i felt worthless,useless,and was living a pointless life. maybe it was because i was in the eyes of everyone,being successful.because i wasn’t in college.i wasn’t working a 9 - 5 job.i was doing music,putting all my heart into a music scene and i know my family supported and god did as well. he gave me opportunities that i didn’t think i get.the difference is that people pray for things to happen but god already gave you the tools to do it, you just have to believe you can.
i also feel with the judging among peers about not being Christians push asides many people. i don’t care if a person is a christian or atheist or jewish or whatever, its in the heart that matters. since when do all your friends have to have the same beliefs as you. since when are you better than anyone because you believe in something bigger than you. it doesnt. as it is written, “THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE; - romans 3:10.
love everyone. life is too short to hate.we all have stuff in common.just give it time to figure out what they are.
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we all fall apart.
Fall is my favorite season. All the colors, all the warm colors. But its weird how everything is dying with those colors. Or I guess the beginning of the end as winter approaches.
Existence really is an imperfect tense that never becomes a present. - Fredric Nietzsche
To me , that quote means to me that we are never actually living in the present. We live in the past as in think about what we have done to get here or we are thinking of the future. Never actually embracing the present as in just doing what today has in store. I think we get so caught up in life that we forget 4 months or even 4 years has happen. We forget old memories that used to cheer us up. Old friends, old movies, etc. but when you listen to something that reminds of that moment, all those feelings flash back to us.
My life hasn’t been easy, hasn’t been too hard either. Moments in the last year has changed me to a different human being. I different course of a man that I would of become. I think I was still kind of a kid, super optimistic to life but lately ive realized this isn’t a black and white world. We have our fall, the day where everything you had kind of disappears and its time to start over from scratch. Time to rebuilt. Even our mindsets, our hearts, our friends.
“The bricks have fallen down,
but we will rebuild with dressed stone;
the fig trees have been felled,
but we will replace them with cedars.” - Isaiah 9:10
To Geneva study bible, this means “We were but weak, when the enemy overcame us, but we will make ourselves so strong, that we will neither care for our enemies, nor fear God’s threatenings.”
I think my life right now is a test. To see if I can handle more. To see if I endure more.
I may not be the best person in the world. May not be the best friend in the world. But I love you and I love all of you. We are all lost. Either finding love or finding acceptance. To say you need none of those, that is a lie. We all need it. So if you are ever start feeling like falling, call me.
Why did I write this? I don’t know. It felt right to say. Maybe it wont mean anything to you, and that’s fine. I just feel like this now. I feel like this can imply to me currently. Where I feel lonesome when I really shouldn’t. I also feel like I can imply this to my lewis county/Olympia music scene. Where we have gone in the last couple of years. Where we kind of don’t know what direction we should go. But I know that we should stay real, just write what feels right. Lets not become every other dying scene. Lets rebuild. To where we used to have 300 kids at shows and now we have 50 if we are lucky. Lets just start trying new shows and experiences. Maybe you don’t like any of the bands around here? Well start one.
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la vida
every day you go by is routine.
today i woke up to find the routine has changed.
the people i once loved.
the people who were best friends.
are not gone,but have become someone else.
some one i dont even know.
when did everything change?
we did i get old.
have we forgot loyalty?
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the end.for now.
tour ended a while back. i went to like 25 states.
smaller towns,still way better for shows.no one is really stuck up other than the ellist hip kids who rather go to their big city shows.
did a lot of things i’ve never done like entered a strip club,had white castle..etc.
things i would never do again.
but some remarkable things happen. i think is how humanity works.
you can have people who won’t give you the day when you are trying to convince them to come check out your band. or people who don’t care when you are home,but when you are gone,its weird to them that you are gone.
but also how people are beautiful or wonderful.
like the nice people who fed us and let us do laundry at their homes on tour.people who embraced complete strangers as we were books they always wanted to read but the art work always intimadated them.
or the super nice lady in harrisonville,missouri. i went to the dollar store to buy some christmas sweaters as in the my infamous red one. i went to the dollar store and found two! but i only had like 1.50 in my account,so decided to get one. as i got in line, the lady in front of me asked why i only had one? and i explained to her my situation and being far from home, she looked down at her money and said grab the other one,ill get it for you,i said what? why? are you sure? she said yes,god works in mysterious ways.. i said alright then.so i grab it and she ended up buying two of them for me. and just walked out of the store.never got her name.granted the sweaters cost like 2.14 total,but some random lady bought me sweaters.weird but kind.
Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion for God loves a cheerful giver. - 2 Corinthians 9:7
being on tour also given me more in depth that i love my faith more. i love my god. i love my christ.
saying that.i will like to let you know.i’m not a narrow minded christian. i know people sin because i do.its human nature and i try not to but i’m only man.i know god loves me and wants me to come as am.christ died not in a pretty sight,but as a beaten and battered body. thats how i will want to be with him. as real as possible.i won’t ever be perfect and i know he doesn’t expect me to be.but he does expect me to grow with him. also i’m still pro choice.because i think a human being should have a mind of his own and we also do not all share the same ideas. having an option means you can do one or the other.many cases people can’t afford a pregnancy or the fear of rejection of parents and or peers make it easier.but if you know anyone faced with that situation,the better thing to do is not to judge but to try to figure out to help them make their right choice. and also who are you to judge? none of us are perfect and/or mistake free.we all mess up.i don’t judge if you are god free,be whatever you want,i’m who i am and i will love you for who you are.
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the south
is super humid
and a lot whataburger
i loved el paso
met a huge atdi fan,just like me
met a lot of good people
but so many flakly promoters
its sad
o well.
i miss the northwest but i think im gonna have a new home coming november/december.
i need to think about it
i got like 3 more weeks
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anaheim.
i was born in anaheim,california
for the first time in like 7 to 8 years. i came back.
it was super tight and thinking what would of happen if i never moved to washington.
how my life would be if life wasn’t chaotic for me when i was younger.
but thats just “what ifs” .
the more i’m in california, the more i wanna move here.
its a scenery change,new people,a new start.
something i deeply want and i feel like god made me start tour here for a reason.
may be fate or just a coincidence.
or maybe its just me wanting more.
also i was watching the Heroes Season Premiere last night and it involved changing the past or undo the wrongs. Hiro fixes a wrong. but not to change the actual future. pretty intersting on what one moment can do for the rest of your life.
Las Vegas Today!
“I REPENT. Are we saying something real?We are the voice of a broken generation. Kicked out and beaten down. Religions all have failed us now. Retaliating against the old with this bitter taste in our mouths. Left alone, Naked and Cold.”-Advent
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update.
so
ive been in riverside for a while.
the first actual show was in their home town,like around 150 to 200 people attended
i worked the door and i must say, i love doing it
the hardcore dancing/two stepping is weird here. they do the same thing but they are walking backwards but its pretty simple.a fight broke out during NBR’s set
silly kids.
then we had a bbq and mayweather won. dangit.
and last night we played the green turtle and met some really rad people.
nbr killed it and even though their was like 20 kids in the room because it was 11pm on a school night after 6 bands, they still played a fun show and kids had fun. and i of course moshed.
the more im on the road, they more i like it and i don’t wanna go home
not like i miss my friends and family
but i feel like their is more for me to do here, on the road than what i do at home.
i feel at home in a van with dudes and traveling.
ill see what i can do to stay out here.
“Rise or die
Here at the top of the world”- Four Year Strong
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